Want, Need and Desire

 

Every since I was young girl, I have been sensitive to how other people felt about me.  I wanted people to like me, to love me.  I always desired to be someone’s number 1!  I know my parents love/loved me, but they also loved three other children.  I needed to feel extra special.  I guess many people would say that I dealt with “middle child syndrome”.  I suppose I would agree.  Still, I spent my childhood and a large portion of my adult life searching for love in any form:  family love, friendship, or even special relationships with males. 

There were times when I was happy.  Maybe I met a new friend or boyfriend (even my ex-husband) and he/she would adore me for an extended period of time, but the interest would eventually dull and often times completely pass for whatever reasons; thus leaving me lonely and searching again. 

No too many years ago, I realized that I was really “needy”.  At the time, I was married and had several good friends, but I found that my desire for love just couldn’t be quenched.  But still, like a fool, I kept searching…

I look around now, and I consider all the beautiful people God has allowed me to have relationships with, and I still feel lonely.  I fear that I’ll always be alone. 

This weekend, all of my immediate family members and their kids are in town, unfortunately, except my younger brother.  I love spending time with these people.  We laugh, eat, laugh, talk about God, and laugh some more together.  Good wholesome family time!  Today our family time comes to an end.  They are leaving.  When my kids and I return home after school, they will be gone.  Yes, they’ll be back to visit, but I’ll miss them so much while they are gone!

I feel like I must sound so very pitiful to you.  I’m not begging for friends.  Friendships come and go, but I know something is missing from my life.  Today as I write, (I mean it—as I am writing) I understand where God wants me to go.  He can’t or won’t lead me there.  He wants me to go, on my own free will, to the place where I want, need, and desire Him alone.  I do understand that we as people need each other.  God made us for one another.  However, when one’s want, need and desire for others overpower our want, need, and desire for Him, well, that is called idolism—putting other gods above the one and true God.  News flash: I have put others before God!  That is my problem. 

The Bible says:  But seek ye first the kingdom of God, and his righteousness; and all these things shall be added unto you (Mark 6:33).

God is all I need! Accepting this fact gives me so much hope for my future! 

It seems like God is always showing me something else that needs attention in my life.  I will work hard on the outside, as He continues to work on the inside!  God is my perfection…

This has been Melva’s Truth.

Remember:  I am not the good news, Jesus is!

 

One Day I’ll Tell My Kids              Entry #8

Dear Chandler and Cameron,

Today is your first day of first grade and kindergarten.  I am so excited for you!  You are both taking very big steps, and you have been well equipped to successfully climb to the top. 

I know that in life you will make and desire friendships with people around you, especially now that school is back in session.  Always be yourselves and allow God’s spirit to reign inside of you.  The light of God always attracts people. 

Chandler, I know that you have been waiting and wishing for a best friend.  That person will come into your life, soon, I am sure.  When you connect with this person(s) (they may change throughout the years) have fun with her.  Be real with her, but always remember that Jesus is the best friend that you will ever have.  Your friends may come and go, but God will remain constant.  So even when you find that you don’t have any special friends, fret not, God is just giving you time to get closer to Him.  And in due season the right friends will increase your life richly!

Cameron, you have chosen two of your older female cousins as your best friends, for now.  Beautiful…Why?  Because I know that they are being raised to love God and themselves as God would have all of us do.  When you begin to make friends outside of our family circle, choose friends that will be pleasing to God.  Let your friends have the same moral and Christian characteristics that I have instilled in you.  Only allow people into your life that will help you grow in character.  Most of all, Cam, enjoy your life and friends, while you enjoy God first!

Love you much,

Mommy