Transparency

My summer away from work is quickly coming to an end.  It seems that time has flown by, but yet I’ve had plenty of time to come to terms with so many issues in my life.  This has definitely been my summer of self reflection.  I have had to prepare for some difficult transitions, and as grueling as change can be, I must say that my experiences have been refreshing. 

I know that God is not through with me yet, but for once (at least in a long time), I feel like I am truly on the right path to pleasing Him.   I have been humbled through my divorce, my pregnancy, and my many on-going heart issues.  I don’t think I have ever felt so lowly (in a positive way).  Being able to openly share my shortcomings with you has been liberating. 

People ask me why I feel the need to blog, and there are others who feel I have ulterior motives attached to my writing.  Well, to the “nay sayers,” I say that I have no ulterior motives.  God led me to blog, first for me.  I needed releases from bondages of my sin, my past, my mind, and my heart.  It is not my intention to harm anyone or put anyone down.  Really, you don’t get the whole story most of the time because of my caution.  I am not writing to bring anyone else down or to tell their business.  I just aim to tell my story, to hum my melody.  And yes, sometimes my melody has intertwined with others’ melodies, but that’s life.  Still, I only give you what is necessary for your understanding.  I am sorry that you may not trust my intent, but that doesn’t change the truth of the matter:  God chose my blogging to reach me!  I am thankful.

Side Note:  My younger brother and I were talking shortly before I started this blog.  God was already dealing with me.  I was heavy with guilt and embarrassment.  My little brother stated that one of the problems with the church is that it (we) are not transparent.  We attend services in our best suits, praise God with our highest praises, and even listen to messages on mercy and grace.  But we rarely hear the admittance to struggle or to sin in our lives.  Why is that?  Is it because we only want people to see the end result of God’s work in us, the good part of us?  My brother went on to say that maybe if the world could see us through our good and bad, the idea of grace would take on a stronger meaning for them.  He was not saying that we should be proud of our mess, but that the beauty of the gospel is that God still loves you while he cleans up your mess.  It is His grace that saves us not our ability to clean our own mess, or even stay out of mess for that matter.  His grace is the favor that we don’t deserve, but even when we are down, He freely gives His grace to those who have chosen to follow Him. My brother’s words helped me to step out.  I believe that God was speaking through him. I was to let people see the real me.  I was to let people see the messed up me that God had not forgotten.  The me that God still loves.  The me that God can still work in and through.  Wow!  What an awesome God I serve!

Still, there are those in the majority who applaud my truth and sincerity.  You have supported me through prayer and encouraging words, or simply by sharing your stories and experiences with me.  I want you to know you have encouraged me and I truly appreciate you!  I never imagined that so many people would care about what I go though, or that you’d ever be open enough to share with  me what you go through, but you have.  I have been blessed by you more than you will ever know.  Thank you!

As my schedule busies again with work in the coming week, I wonder how God is going to work on me.  I know He still has plenty of stops for me on our journey.  Where are we going?  I anticipate my next stop now.  That doesn’t mean that I am not apprehensive or nervous because I am.  However, I am willing to let go, and stop pulling against God.  I now am ready to just let him lead, and I follow.  Who knows, maybe soon I’ll even graduate to Him removing this rope from around my waist…but I still have the feeling that He’s gonna have to pull me somewhere I just don’t want to go.  But for the betterment of me and the glory of God, I’ll keep moving.

This has been Melva’s TRUTH.

Remember:  I am not the good news, Jesus is!

***One Day I Will Tell My Kids                 Entry #6

Dear Kids,

Becoming men and women for God is a beautiful thing, but it is not always going to be easy.  There will be times that you mess up badly.  Don’t let shame push you into a corner.  When you mess up, look to God!  I don’t care how He instructs you, do what He says.  It is for your good.  It may seem hard or embarrassing or even crazy, but still do it!  Do it knowing that God has a plan for you and it is for your good. 

Once you accept Christ, don’t let anyone or anything take that away from you.  It is a done deal!  It doesn’t matter how many times you fall or how long you stay there.  Just be willing to get up.  The Bible says that a righteous man falls seven times.  (Yet, God still calls him righteous!) Remember that your transparency is what will help lead you to victory, and I believe it will lead others to Christ!

I know that each of you have great purpose!  Block out what negative people have to say, and maybe what your own conscience says, too, and follow God to your destination.

Love you much,

Mommy