Exercising My Faith

Sit ups, push- ups, jogging in place,… tread mills, ellipticals, and Zumba on Tuesday nights…exercise, exercise, healthy and fit…exercise, exercise, keep my body in shape!  Whoo, I’m tired just thinking about exercising.  Although I have never been an exercise freak, I must admit that it is good for the body and mind.  But oh, the pain of the next level…who wants to think about that?  Weekly on Facebook I see friends posting pictures of their good workouts; I guess, they post to encourage those of us who have not joined the movement?  I’m always proud of them and their results, but it rarely makes me move from my couch with my chips and Pepsi.  Sad…I know!  But true! 

Maybe if I had an exercise coach? Wait a minute; I do have an exercise coach.   My coach pushes me to the limit rather I attend Zumba class or not.  He doesn’t take no for an answer.  Thus where I am today:  working through, standing strong, keeping the faith, staying positive through my tests and trials. 

Just like exercise, I have never enjoyed taking tests or going through trials, but this time around I am looking at the situation a little differently.  My tests and trials are strengthening exercises for my faith in God.  I get it now…I accept it.  Anything for you God!

Monday a week ago I got up and prepared for work as I do each week day.  I dropped my five and six year olds off at school, and then slowly walked into my school building feeling the pressure of the world in my womb.  As you know, I am pregnant.  Last week I was 32 weeks pregnant.  I was so excited!  I had made it thirty-two weeks!  You see, my first baby was delivered at 32 weeks and my second baby was delivered at 28 weeks.  The odds were that my third child could be born earlier than even the 28 weeks.  So beating the odds and making it again to 32 weeks was very monumental for me.  I was praising God, yet I felt the pressure…my unborn baby was pushing again.  No, it wasn’t the first time I had felt her. 

I won’t say that I ignored signs by continuing to work.  I would say that I simply looked to God and kept moving forward.  My prayer during this pregnancy is to carry my baby 40 weeks-- to term!  Not only do I want to experience a full term pregnancy, I want my baby to be healthy, and I also look forward to bringing my new baby girl home with me when I am released from the hospital.  I‘ve never done that.  Chandler, my older child, stayed in the NICU for 18 days, and Cameron, my baby (bless his heart), remained hospitalized for nine and a half months!  There is nothing in me that looks forward to having anything similar happen this time.

A couple of weeks prior to last Monday morning, people started to suggest that my baby had dropped. (That usually means that the baby is preparing for birth, so people, not my doctor, say.)  I think I saw that change, but I’m not sure.  All I knew then was that I had a little over two months to go in my pregnancy.  My doctors at the time where not concerned about anything in particular so I kept moving…yes forward.   

I was moving forward, but people seemed to want to be my doctors.  I was always hearing, “Oh, you are not going to make it to your due date,” or “That baby is coming early!”  It didn’t seem to matter that they knew why I was holding out for November (because of my complicated history with childbirth).  I would become irritated easily.  I just wanted people to do like me and hope/pray for the best. God’s best!  I understand that God allows early births, just like He allows other things to happen in our lives that we don’t always understand or want.  But does that mean we don’t focus on His best for us?  Of course not!  When I pray, I pray that I will have a wonderful healthy pregnancy that results with a wonderful healthy baby.  That is God’s will, no matter what He allows to happen.  People just don’t get that though.  They focus on what they see or think…I’m sorry, I refuse to go there.  I don’t have to accept reality because my God produces miracles! 

Chandler was not only born early, but her umbilical cord was wrapped around her neck twice and it was also in a knot.  She lived, against man’s odds.  Cameron was also born early with the umbilical cord wrapped around his neck.  He wasn’t breathing.  The doctors had given up on him just hours after his birth.  No one including me thought he’d live, but he did.  Then the doctors didn’t think that he’d thrive.  He did!  Miracles!  Miracles, I say, do you hear me?  I have been blessed against odds.  So I have no choice but to believe that God can and will do it again!  My faith in this area is strong!  I speak only the Word of God over my life and my children’s lives.  And still, I am mature enough to accept whatever God allows.  I know that this pregnancy is just another exercise to get me to where God wants me to be.

As I digress, I ask those who speak, maybe without thinking of how words affect others, to choose to speak God’s Word only.  After this experience and realizing how it makes me feel to hear people hypothesize over my life and situation, I am definitely choosing to speak life…through God’s life- giving Word!

Okay, so back to Monday a week ago…I made it through Monday and on to Tuesday.  Tuesday, I had an afternoon doctor’s appointment.  The appointment went well.  My doctor who is a praying Christian encouraged me to remain focused on my goal.  He even told me he would pray for me specifically.  (Not because he expected the worse, but because I‘d shared with him my irritation with others.)  After my doctor’s appointment, I had to go take a Non Stress Test at the hospital because of my past history with pre-term births.  Wouldn’t you know it, after leaving my doctor’s office in good spirits, my baby didn’t pass her Non Stress Test.  I had an ultrasound, and she didn’t pass that either.  More tests and trials...Immediately, I wanted to become stressed and worried.  (Remember, the test and trials are my exercises…)  But a really small voice inside of me reassured me that my future and my baby’s future was in God’s hands.  Just like that I let go.  I was able to laugh and smile.   My faith in Christ allowed that!  Proof that I am getting stronger.  What you don’t know is that not only did the baby fail her tests, but I was having contractions and I had started to dilate.  Yep!  It looked like all those people were right.  I looked like they knew what they were talking about.  Yet, still, I chose and choose to hold to God’s Word.  It is His will that I prosper and not be harmed, and all things work together for my good.  I left the hospital on Tuesday night, and my baby is still where she needs to be today!  Praise God!  I feel like shouting!!! 

So I have 7 more weeks to go…I have been put back on bed rest. (I was on bed rest at the onset of this pregnancy.)  That means I am making no money right now.  Bummer…but God!  He knew this!  I have no doubt that that’s why I am living with my parents again.  Without their help I can’t imagine what I’d do right now.  I am exercising my faith and trust in God.  Only looking forward…forward…forward!  Things aren’t going the way I planned, but to the glory of God they are going!  And I have no doubt that God is my Orchestrator--my Exercise Coach!!  No doubt! 

Pray for me and baby girl.  Join my faith train—speaking only God’s Word over situations!  I am 33 weeks and two days…reaching for forty weeks!  Your prayers are appreciated!  The earnest prayer of a righteous person has great power and produces wonderful results (James 5:16b).

This has been Melva’s TRUTH.

Remember:  I am not the good news—Jesus is!

 
One Day I’ll Tell My Kids              Entry #10

Dear Kids,

I am so happy that God saw fit to give you to me.  Chandler and Cameron, you both had rough starts, but God blessed you and me, and we made it through. Unborn baby girl, I have faith that you will enter this world healthy and happy, but I want you to know that it wasn’t with ease that you arrived.  I am having  to trust God and my doctors the entire time.  You just seem so anxious to get here right now, but with my taking it easy and trying to live a stress free life (haha—as much as possible), I know that you will hold out, and I thank God in advance for that right now!  Thank You, Jesus!

Chan and Cam, when you were born, I didn’t speak life into my situation from my heart.  Yes, I quoted scriptures and asked people to pray for me, but what God’s Word was capable of had not yet been manifested in my life to the point that I could understand it and stand on it.  But with you Baby Girl, I am in a different place.  I now not only pray God’s Word, but I believe God’s Word no matter what the outcome.  I trust God with all of our lives. 

As you all grow up, I want you to learn to put all of your trust in the Lord.  Don’t focus on the situation or what people say, no matter how dim it looks.  Remember that God brought you three out of dim looking situations and because He is the same God, He can do it again.  Speak His Word into your lives and the lives of others; it’s the only way to go.  The power of life and death is in the tongue.  I have no doubt that God will work according to your faith.  And even when things don’t turn out the way you would like, know that God is still in control and He doesn’t make any mistakes.  Your lives are my testimonies…

And remember your tests and trials only work to exercise you faith!

Love you much,

Mommy

 

An Opportunity to Love

I am reminded of a biblical story where Peter denied Jesus, not one, not two, but three times; all before the cock crowed.  When thinking of this story I never once took time to think about how Jesus must have felt to have his follower, his friend, his apprentice in the ministry to act as if he didn’t even know him.  I simply only thought of Jesus as God, not as man.  Sitting here, as I reflect on the story, that denial must have been a very hurtful feeling for Jesus.  I say that because not only was he God, but he also was one hundred percent human and capable of feeling the very same hurt and sadness that the rest of us feel.  I can imagine how I would feel if someone that I talked with daily, cried with, laughed with , or loved one day decided that she was too scared, ashamed, or embarrassed to any longer associate with me.  I have had similar experiences.  The difference though, is the way I reacted to the hurt and the way Jesus reacted.  I have become angry and allowed hurt, regret and sadness to fester in me towards those that have hurt me in the past.  Jesus, on the other hand, forgave and loved through the cross.  And to go even further, Peter, after denying Jesus three times, was appointed to preach on the day of Pentecost—a day that brought thousands to the saving knowledge of Christ.  Now that’s love!

For weeks now, I have been open to loving God’s way.  I call it the "1 Corinthians 13 Way".  It has not been easy, but most of my love challenges have revolved around my family and close friends—people who are dear to me.  However, recently, a Christian associate of mine highly offended me by speaking very negatively about someone I love.  I became angry—very angry.  Really, like fighting mad!  I was pissed off!  I wanted to confront the person and give a piece of my mind.  I was already rehearsing in my mind just what I would say and how I would say it. And depending on how the person reacted to me confronting him/her, I also thought about what I would do.  (For those that know me well, you know that some ugly words and ideas were floating around in this big head of mine.)

After most of the day’s passing, I had calmed down a bit.  I was still angry though, but not as hyper.  During the day, God through family members reminded me that I could be angry, but I should sin not.  I had to get control of myself.  If I didn’t get a handle on my emotions, I am not sure that I could have come in contact with this person and not have caught a charge.  Late that night as I lay in the bed, I remembered a young friend’s thought of me:  she referenced the fact that some parts of my character did not match up with the gospel of Christ that I liked to share.  (In other words, yes I am holy because of God, but often times my actions don’t match holiness; and that’s what people see. Thanks, Jada for being used by God, even if you didn’t realize it.)  Anyway, that made me simmer right on down.  Don’t get me wrong, the anger didn’t just disappear, but I did begin to pray for God to help me handle things as a Christ follower should.  I slept peacefully. 

The next morning, as I prepared for work, I stepped into the shower and God spoke to my heart:  Thank me for the opportunity to love.

I broke down and repented for my sinful thoughts and attitude.

I have been allowing God to teach me to love, and I thought that I was doing something because what I was doing wasn’t easy.  What I didn’t realize is there is so much more to love.  I have to choose to love even when I am fighting mad!  Love has to be my choice!  I asked God to teach me to love effectively and unbeknownst to me, he gave me an opportunity through a tough situation, and I almost flunked the assignment.  But oh, when I saw what I could achieve through loving someone who not only hurt me or disappointed me, but totally angered me, I knew that loving the person was the only way to grow.  I made up in my mind, standing right there in the shower to love and love hard.  I still didn’t like what was said or how it made me feel, but I made the choice to love even though.  That’s what Jesus did for Peter.  And God knows that’s what He did for me!

But my lesson didn’t end there; God showed me myself, and all of my shortcomings.  Do I still deserve to be loved?  Do I want to be loved?  Does He still grant me love?

My sin is no different from this fellow Christian’s sin.  He/She is holy because God has called him/her to be holy, just like me.  I may not have offended a brother or a sister with ugly words (recently), but have I not offended God with my sin?  Am I totally innocent?  NO!

Love is sometimes granting mercy covered with humbleness and understanding.  Even if you are much more mature than he who offends you, you are still without sin.  Yet, Jesus chose to love you. 

Whoo!

That morning in the shower, I let my anger go, and I grabbed hold to the opportunity to love for the  betterment of me and God’s Kingdom. 

Choose to love even when…

This has been Melva’s TRUTH.

Remember:  I am not the good news—Jesus is!

 One Day I'll Tell My Kids         Entry #9

Dear Cameron,

You have come so far in this short life of yours.  God has done for you the things that man said couldn’t or wouldn’t be done.  You are one very blessed little boy. 

When you were a bit younger, I endured some negative comments about your situation.  There were some people who even had negative things to say about me and how I was handling your challenges. What people said or thought concerning you often times hurt me to the core.    You are still young, but one day you may recognize that some people will hurt you with words and actions, and sometimes do it intentionally.  But don’t you lose heart! Instead, be encouraged knowing that God is giving you an opportunity to show just how beautiful and wonderfully made you are! 

You are different, and people don’t always understand how God works through our differences.  You can be a vessel for God to those with a lack of understanding, if you allow God to lead your heart.  Don’t let your emotions and feelings overtake you.  Be rooted and grounded in Christ; always choosing to express His character.  Only believe what He has to say about you!  That is the ONLY TRUTH as far as I am concerned.  And choose to love because it is one thing that is promised to never fail. 

Be strong in the power of His might, my son.   Be strong…

Love you much,

Mommy